


To All The Crushes

by okayau



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: F/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-29
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:53:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24976408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/okayau/pseuds/okayau
Summary: You knew there was someone out there that would hold you, kiss you, stay up all night with you, love you. They were out there -somewhere- maybe playing a video game, arguing with their friends, buying food from a drive-thru, or even just laying in bed and going through the same thoughts you were going through. They were doing all the things a person does and one day you’d run into them. Whether that was two days, six weeks, or 3 years down the road, they were out there somewhere.
Relationships: Hwang Hyunjin/Reader, Kim Seungmin/Reader, Lee Felix/Reader, Lee Minho | Lee Know/Reader, Seo Changbin/Reader
Comments: 9
Kudos: 81





	1. Prologue

Throughout your 19 years of life, you’d had countless crushes -from people you’d accidentally brush past on the bus to friends that you sat a few seats behind in English- but never once did you actually think that you were in love.

When you were eight years old, you had your first crush - a boy from your class named Changbin. He was short in stature compared to the other kids but he made up for that with his loud personality that towered over everyone else’s. He was funny and you looked forward to lunchtime when you could listen in on his jokes in the cafeteria. Looking back, most of his stories were boasts about how his parents bought him new toys and while he was a little obnoxious, back when you were a kid you thought he was infatuating.

Six years and a handful of silly feelings later, you had one of your most notable crushes. You were fifteen when your friends had convinced you to write an anonymous letter to Lee Minho, the captain of your high school’s dance team. It was a bad idea any way that you looked at it.The moment you watched your friend Chaeyoung hand him the carefully folded note in the library -a location he frequented during lunchtime to get ahead on homework- you were mentally screaming at her to take it back.

You were physically screaming the night after you’d told him that it was you that had written him the note. The lunch bell had just rung and while he was zipping up his bag, you let your adrenaline rush fuel your confession. You hadn’t even given him a moment to respond to your disclosure before running out of the library and towards your Chemistry classroom. After the incident, you avoided him until he graduated, feeling too embarrassed to come face to face with him again.

You had your last crush when you were seventeen and mistook one of your feelings as being genuine. He was one of your brother’s closest friends - Felix. He was by far the biggest crush you’d had in your life. You were captivated by the way his eyes scrunched up when he smiled or laughed, the way his freckles were splattered so perfectly over his cheeks, the way he was so chill and comfortable to be around. You tried to keep your feelings for him on the down low since he was your brother’s friends but you couldn’t help but find yourself in a few situations where you’d find it difficult - like when your brother invited him to your birthday party. You were taking a picture of your cake for snapchat when he’d showed up behind you and asked for your handle - spurring a few conversations with him on the app throughout your senior year. It was a simple interaction but it felt bigger than it was back then and while you now see that you were probably clouded by your feelings, you could’ve sworn that back then he was singing ‘happy birthday’ louder than everyone else. It was small interactions like that and your friendly relationship with him that dragged out your crush. It was only after you graduated and moved away for college that your feelings fizzled out.

Now, at the age of nineteen, you were going into your third year of college and, while the fact surprised you, you hadn’t had a crush since Felix. It was weird not having a crush for such a long period of time since you tended to always like _someone_ but nowadays _,_ those feelings didn’t come up. You weren’t sure if it was because you were maturing or because you found no one at your school to really be attractive or charming. You liked to say that you didn’t really care, that you were just going to let the universe do whatever it needed to and that when you were meant to find someone, you’d find them. You wanted a boyfriend, the prospect attracting you, but you weren’t sure if you wanted to actively go look for someone when there was a chance that you were just going to waste your time.

You wanted to find love, not a crush. You wanted to find someone that you could have a 3AM conversation with, someone who could make your palms tingle when they pressed their lips onto yours, someone who would make you leave your sweater in their apartment just so you could say you ‘forgot’ it as an excuse to see them again. You wanted someone that would be the other half to your whole and you kept telling yourself that you were okay waiting for them.

There were times though, mostly those insomnia filled nights where you lay awake at ungodly hours, where you were tired of waiting. You’d never been in love or been loved in that way you wanted and you felt a sad curiosity at that fact. Were you so incapable of being loved like that? So ugly that no one wanted to look at you as if you were the only thing that mattered? So uninteresting that not one person wanted to talk with you about whatever your minds were set on? You were turning 20 soon and it would mark two decades of unrequited crushes and dozens of untold feelings.

Sometimes, the loneliness made you feel emptier than the tip jar from your first job and a few nights, you found yourself hugging your pillow tightly, wishing someone could replace the object, wishing someone could hold you the way you were holding this pillow.

That was only _sometimes_ , though.

You knew there was someone out there that would hold you, kiss you, stay up all night with you _, love you_. They were out there -somewhere- maybe playing a video game, arguing with their friends, buying food from a drive-thru, or even just laying in bed and going through the same thoughts you were going through. They were doing all the things a person does and one day you’d run into them. Whether that was two days, six weeks, or 3 years down the road, they were out there somewhere.


	2. Seo Changbin

“I’m already over Mr. Jung,” Chaeyoung sighed as you both walked down the steps of the lecture hall, the crowd of students in front of you making the process lengthier than you’d wanted, “What kind of a professor gives three midterms? It’s called a midterm - as in singular,”

“I don’t think it’ll be that bad,” Your eyes stayed trained on your phone as you scrolled through your twitter feed, “Hey, did you know NCT was making another subunit with new members?”

“Oh my gosh,” Chaeyoung’s exclamation made you believe that she hadn’t heard about it.

“I know right. NCT is literally going to make up like sixty percent of their company,” you told her animatedly as you continued reading through the rising number of tweets on the group.

“No, I don’t care about that,” She waved off your statement before pointing towards the other side of the lecture hall, “Look over there! Isn’t that Changbin?”

The mention of his name had you tearing your eyes off the screen and searching over the sea of students. When you finally caught sight of him, you couldn’t help but feel shocked. The last time you’d seen the boy was back in middle school. He’d moved the summer before high school and last you’d heard, he was going to a community college back home.

He looked a lot different from what you remembered. When you were both thirteen year olds, Changbin was kind of scrawny but now, his face was fuller, his body looked toned, and his arms were…well…huge.

The boy had gotten swole.

“What’s he doing here?” You turned around to face Chaeyoung and only received a shrug from your friend.

“I’m not sure but I’m going to go talk to him,” Before you could give her a response, she was waddling through the aisles of seats, calling out Changbin’s name with a wave. You couldn’t help but cringe, thinking that the encounter was going to be awkward but were left feeling surprised as his expression lit up and he waved back to her. You watched as they seemingly fell into a conversation almost immediately.

“Hey, either get out of the way or keep walking,” A voice from behind you prompted you to mutter a quick apology and move out into one of the empty seats. Your eyes stayed locked on Changbin and Chaeyoung who looked like they were having a pleasant talk. You noticed the way Chaeyoung laughed along with him and slyly touched his arm.

She was flirting and you found it, to be frank, unexpected from her.

Chaeyoung, unlike you, never had any big crushes. She didn’t really seem interested, always saying how there were no cute guys where you lived.

“Looked like you guys were having a fun time over there,” Chaeyoung rolled her eyes at your immediate teasing when she made her way back to you.

“Shut up,” Despite the word choice, she was smiling and you could tell that something had happened.

“Did he ask you out or something?” You gathered your things before finally ascending down the lecture hall stairs.

“Well, he kind of asked both of us,” She shrugged, causing you to furrow your brows in confusion.

“What do you mean both of us?” You never thought that Chaeyoung or Changbin were into polygamy. It was….interesting to learn, to say the least.

“He invited us to a party at his house,” Relief washed over you at the clarification, “It’s this Friday,”

“That’s not asking someone out. It’s just an invitation,” You shook your head as a small chuckle left your lips, “Anyways, what’s he even doing here?”

“He transferred from community,” Chaeyoung pushed the lecture hall door open and let you both exit the building. There was a cool breeze outside and the skies were a beautiful blue color. The weather was perfect so when Chaeyoung started talking about what you were wearing to the party, you were upset you couldn’t enjoy it more.

“I don’t think I’m going to go to that,” You sighed and, as predicted, earned a gasp from the girl.

“No, Y/N,” She grabbed your arm, shaking it lightly, “You have to go! I need your help,”

“My help?” A smile made its way onto your lips at the plea, “With Changbin?”

“No,” Chaeyoung frowned before catching sight of your expression and letting out a sigh of defeat, “Okay, fine. I think he’s cute and he was nice, Y/N,”

“You remember I liked him when I was in the third grade,” Your thoughts ran back to when you had feelings for the boy, a shudder taking over your body as you cringed at the memories.

“That’s more of a reason for you to join me. You know him on another level,” She shook your arm once again, this time a bit more playful with her action, “So, will you come?”

Thinking honestly, there was worse that you could be doing on a Friday night. You didn’t have any real plans and all that you figured this weekend would consist of was anime and Domino’s pizza. You never know, maybe the party would even end up being fun.

“You have got to be kidding me,” Your jaw dropped as you and Chaeyoung walked up to the address of the house Changbin sent out, “He lives here?” You tugged on the strap of your bag nervously as your eyes took in the sight.

To say the house was nice was an understatement. To get to it, you had to drive up the hill to the nicer neighborhoods in town where all the bigger homes rested. Changbin’s house looked like one of those rich people homes you’d see in old high school movies. The driveway was extensive, the garden surrounding it perfectly trimmed and polished, the steps going up to the front door looked like they were made out of marble, the garage was open and there were large tiled floors with two luxurious cars sitting atop them.

Seo Changbin really hadn’t changed from the looks of it. When you were eight he talked about the gifts he got continuously but now it seemed like he’d moved into just flat out flaunting them.

The front door was wide open and music boomed through the walls as you walked inside the home. The inside of the house was just as flattering as the outside but the hoards of people filling the space made it difficult to appreciate.

“Hey,” Chaeyoung yelled over the loud music, “I think I see Changbin. I’m going to go over there so stay close,”

Before you could even respond to her statement, Chaeyoung was pushing past groups of people towards where you assumed Changbin was. You weren’t even sure how she could see him over everyone else, especially given his height, but all you could do was watch as she walked off and left you alone amidst these strangers.

With a low sigh, you glanced around for a place to sit before making a beeline to the empty space on the couch.

Even the couch was nice, the cushions sinking under body as you rested back against them. If it weren’t for the people sitting next to you and those standing around the room, you could’ve taken a nap on that couch. Instead, you did the next best thing and pulled out your phone, opening up twitter so that you could ease your boredom.

A year or two ago, you probably would’ve enjoyed yourself more in your current setting but going into this year, you’d already grown out of your ‘college partying’ phase. One too many bad experiences with drinking helped that one pass by quickly and taught you to never mix your alcohols again. The people here seemed to not know that as you found a few people switching from drinking beer to taking vodka shots throughout the night. It wouldn’t be long before they ended up in the bathroom and you did not envy them one bit.

“Hey, Hey! Turn the music down!” It must have been half an hour past your arrival that you heard someone yelling over the crowd. The music died down and you found a small group of guys making their way towards the center of the room, one of the boys holding a bottle of Ciroc in hand. Your eyes naturally gravitated towards him, taking in the way his black hair was pushed back by a hairband, the way his lips looked so plump, the way his cheeks were tinted a slight pink, and the way his whole demeanor looked so…effortless. You recognized his face from some flyers and banners around school.

Hwang Hyunjin - captain of the basketball team. The boys surrounding him looked like his teammates, each of them exuding the same energy as him…well, except for the boy to his right. He was quiet, an embarrassed smile on his lips as he was pushed forward. He was tall too but the oversized jacket he wore didn’t do too much to help his figure.

“So,” Hyunjin threw his arm around the boy, “You all know my friend Seungmin here is the most polished kid you’ll ever meet but today he wants to prove that he can have some fun,” A few cheers sounded throughout the room as Hyunjin unscrewed the cap of the bottle before handing it to Seungmin, “So drink up bud!”

He looked a little bit nervous but all it took was an outward sigh for him to put the bottle to his lips. You grimaced as he gulped down the liquid as if it were water, taking a few swigs before pulling it away and replacing it with a can of soda to wash down the taste.

“Let’s bring that music back!” In an instant the music was blaring again and to your dismay, the little act that the boys put on made the crowd of people more excited than earlier. It was louder and there was too much movement for you to relax.

Anime and Domino’s never sounded as good as they did in that moment.

You couldn’t even make it fifteen minutes past that point as more and more people started to take shots after Seungmin. You weren’t even sure where that boy had disappeared to, as you couldn’t find him in the sea of people. You spotted Hyunjin easily, noting how he was talking to a few girls at a time. The rumors around school about him being a player seemed to be true from the looks of it. It was actually quite interesting that he was holding up that generic stereotype about athletes.

Not wanting to be stuck in that crowd for much longer, you pushed yourself up off the couch to look for a quiet place to sit. Chaeyoung hadn’t asked for you to help since you showed up and you doubted she would need much more help as you found her and Changbin laughing along with each other and standing a little too close for comfort.

Your legs carried you past the heart of the party and to the doors leading into the backyard. There were a lot less people outside, which you found surprising given that Changbin had a whole pool and patio setup back there. You glazed over the area before your eyes set on a small gazebo with outdoor sofas underneath it.

There was just one person there but that didn’t matter much to you as you trudged towards the spot and plopped down on the seat furthest from the boy sitting down, his head thrown back peacefully, making it difficult to catch his face. The jacket he wore, however, gave away his identity.

“Was that really your first time drinking?” You mumbled quietly, brows furrowing as you pulled out your phone.

“Yeah,” A small groan from the boy caught your attention and you found yourself looking over at him, watching as he lifted his head up and brought his body to the edge of his seat. His hands rested on his temples as his eyes caught yours.

“Why would you just chug that bottle then?” You sighed before setting your phone down and pulling your bag into your lap. You figured the boy’s world was probably spinning a bit from the alcohol and he needed to sober up. Luckily for him, you’d packed a few things in case Chaeyoung ended up in a similar situation but he seemed like he could use them more than her.

“Here,” You held out a water bottle and roll of bread from the bakery near your house, urging Seungmin to take it.

He stared at your hands for a moment, eyes glazed with confusion and lips slightly parted before he leaned forward to take the items. You watched as he opened the cap of the water bottle and took a few sips before turning his attention to the bread. His movements were a bit slow and you found it quite amusing.

“This is good,” He looked up at you while pointing at the bread.

“It’s my favorite,” You nodded and leaned back against the sofa, observing the boy. He didn’t seem like the party type and from what Hyunjin said earlier, you assumed that he really wasn’t.

“What’s a guy like you doing at a party like this?” You questioned before pulling another roll out of your bag, an action that didn’t go unnoticed by Seungmin.

“Hyunjin told me to tag along,” He shrugged, “Do you have more?” In all honesty, you had another roll but you didn’t really want to share it, hoping to save it for breakfast the next morning, so you ignored the question.

“Why’d you come though?” You took a bite of the snack, “You obviously don’t do things like this often,”

“I could say the same thing about you?” You raised your brow at his question, not expecting him to ask that.

“My friend told me to tag along too,” You shrugged, “I’m supposed to be her wing woman or whatever but she seems to be doing fine on her own,” Seungmin’s eyes widened with curiosity at the explanation, “Now you go,”

“Oh,” He sat up a bit and you watch as his eyes moved to the side with thought, “Hyunjin told me I should get out more, you know, socialize,”

“You don’t have to come to a party to socialize,” Your laughter filled the gazebo as you sat up, “You could have just joined a club or something instead of going hard with the liquor,”

“Wish I knew that before,” Seungmin let out a low moan as he took another sip of water, “What’s your name by the way?”

“Y/N,” You gave him a small smile but it didn’t last long as Seungmin furrowed his brows at the name.

“You’re the girl who had a crazy crush on Changbin?” He tilted his head to the side with wonder. You didn’t look crazy to him, at least not until you made that face you just made. It was like a mix between confusion, anger, and something he couldn’t quite pinpoint.

“Excuse me?” You questioned, appalled by his assumption, “What makes you say that?”

“You’re Y/N L/N, right?” He questioned, earning a nod from you, “Changbin told us that you had this massive crush on him in elementary school and up until the end of middle school,”

“I had a crush on him when I was eight,” You shook your head, “And for like three months only. I never even told him I liked him,”

“Well, that’s not what I heard,” Seungmin frowned. He felt bad for you, assuming that everything that he’d heard was just a rumor. His eyes caught yours and he watched as you waved your hand, urging him to continue on, “He said that you had this huge secret crush on him and used to leave anonymous notes in his desk and send him those holiday treats the student council would hand out to students for a dollar,”

“What gave him that idea?” You were completely alarmed by this new information. How would he get it into his head that you did those things?

“That girl…um…Chaeyoung? I think she told him,” He nodded slightly, confirming the fact to himself. You blinked at his words, not knowing how to feel about them.

Chaeyoung said that?

“I have to go,” You stood up suddenly, “Thanks for the talk but I need to have a chat with someone else,” Your hand dug into your bag, grabbing the extra bread package before tossing it towards Seungmin who fumbled as he caught it. You weren’t sure if you were going to have much of an appetite in the morning after this.

“Wait,” He watched as you turned to walk away and found himself chasing after you, steps a bit awkward from the alcohol. He didn’t think that this party was the best place for a confrontation.

“Y/N, wait!” His voice was loud as he entered the house directly behind you and as soon as he had spoken, he was wishing he hadn’t as all eyes came to look at you.

“Wait,” Hyunjin motioned for someone to turn the music down as he made his way towards you, “You’re Y/N?”

“Oh My Gosh, She’s crashing his party. She still likes him, huh?” A girl’s laughter sounded through the room, followed by a wave of chuckles.

“You’re actually kind of cute,” Hyunjin tilted his head to the side, a tiny smirk playing its way onto his lips, “I don’t know why Changbin didn’t pick you up,” You stepped back from the boy, disgust forming from his sickly sweet tone.  
“It’s because she’s weird. She sent me so many notes when we were kids,” Your eyes darted over to Changbin but landed on Chaeyoung, who stood next to him, laughing nervously.

Seungmin watched you stare daggers into the two as more laughter filled the room and he didn’t know what to do besides stare.

“I didn’t send you any notes Changbin,” Your eyes narrowed as stepped towards the boy.

“Chaeyoung told me differe-“

“Chaeyoung is a liar,” You hissed as you now stood in front of him and Chaeyoung, turning your attention to her. Your expression softened as you looked at her, “Why are you lying Chae?”

She stared back at you anxiously before looking up at Changbin.

“I’m not lying,” She turned her attention back to you, her expression now cold, “You were weird about how much you liked him,”

You were taken aback by her brazen words, not understanding why she was saying things like that.

“So you’re a weirdo and a liar. I don’t know why you ever thought I’d like you back,” Changbin scoffed, “I don’t even know why Chaeyoung is friends with you,”

Watching as he and Chaeyoung snickered at you along with the rest of the room quickly filled you with anger but you weren’t going to let them make a fool out of you.

“You know what Changbin,” You pressed a finger to his chest as your jaw clenched, “I did like you when I was eight but that didn’t last long after I watched you cry like a pussy because you lost against a girl in trivia. You obviously haven’t gotten over your toxic masculinity because I see that you’re trying to hide the fact that you’re a little bitch behind these muscles,” There was a deafening silence in the room as you finished speaking and the tension was thick enough to cut with a knife.

“Oh, and Chaeyoung,” You turned to face her with a blank stare, “I don’t know what the fuck has gotten into you and I don’t want to know. I don’t want anything to do with you anymore,”

That was the last thing you said before you were storming out of the house. Your steps were heavy but quick and your hands continuously clenched and unclenched in fists.

You were frustrated and the sound of music playing again when you weren’t even past the sidewalk didn’t help.

“Y/N!” You heard someone calling out to you as you walked onto the street.

“What do you want Seungmin?” You faced the boy as tears threatened to fall down your eyes. You weren’t really in the mood to talk with anyone, especially after what had happened. You felt like your chest was closing in on itself and that your head was going to explode right then and there. Your cheeks were burning and your breathing was off. You knew you were going to cry but you just hoped that you could get into your car before that happened. Seungmin wasn’t giving that hope any light.

“Are… are you okay?” His words were careful and his body swayed lightly. You could tell he was still intoxicated.

“I’m fine,” You nodded, “I just want to get to my car…It’s cold,” You lied.

“Oh, here, take my jacket,” You raised your brows as he peeled the clothing off his body and walked towards you. You didn’t protest as he pulled it over your shoulders and kept your head hanging low.

“Thanks..um..just sober up and don’t drink anymore, okay? Join a club man,” You spoke meekly before turning around and leaving the boy alone. His eyes stayed on your retreating figure, watching how you disappeared down the hill to where your car was parked.

_He hoped you were okay._


	3. Lee Minho

You sat in the back of the lecture hall for Chemistry after the incident at the party. For the first two weeks, it was because you wanted to draw no attention from Changbin and his little group of friends but as time past, you just didn’t find yourself caring about them or the class in general. You weren’t an avid fan of chemistry, never understanding where in your future it would end up being useful and never really enjoying the material. Despite that fact, you found this course to be less challenging than you had expected. It was the first quarter of Organic Chemistry and while most people would shit on this subject in particular, Mr. Jung was a great professor and with Chaeyoung out of your presence, there was no one to distract you from actually focusing on class.

Well, partially.

There were still times where you’d find yourself glancing over at her and Changbin and the rest of their group. Along with those two, you recognized Hyunjin and Seungmin but couldn’t put a name to any of the other faces - not to say that wanted to put any energy into figuring them out anyways. With each look in their direction, you found that Seungmin was the only one of them that actually focused on the material and took notes while the others whispered to each other about God knows what. If you had to guess, Changbin was probably bragging about a new car or something and the others were just eating it up.

Seungmin was different though.

You still had his jacket, keeping it in your bag in the off chance that you might actually go up to him after class or ideally run into him outside of class so that you could return it. The opportunity would come sooner or later but you weren’t going to go out of your way for it to happen.

Midterm Week.

It was dreadful to say the least but there was no way you were going to let it tear you down. You didn’t let it get to you when you stayed up until 3am to study, when you accidentally dropped your breakfast the next morning, when you felt certain you bombed your first midterm, and you _definitely_ wouldn’t let it get to you now as you stood by the doors of the lecture hall, watching as the rain poured down outside.

Of all days to leave your umbrella at home, it just had to be today. You hadn’t even worn a jacket when you left your apartment, thinking that the clouds above wouldn’t start pouring rain down on you. Even the weather app had said that it would rain until later that night but, alas, here you were, digging through your bag for Seungmin’s jacket as a last resort to keep from getting completely soaked.

“I forgot how big this was,” A scoff left your lips as you slid your arms through the sleeves and adjusted the material over your shoulders. Seungmin was already pretty tall and since the jacket was oversized for him, it just felt huge on your frame. You were sure you looked ridiculous but with the midterm you’d just finished, you couldn’t find it in yourself to care as you made your way outside.

The rain was heavy, weighing down on you with each drop. Your white shoes turned grey from the water and your socks were quickly soaked, creating an uncomfortable squish every time you took a step. If you had to pick a word to describe how you were feeling in the moment, miserable was probably the most accurate. You never understood how people could love the rain so much. Sure it was pretty great if you were indoors with something warm to drink but when you had to get around in it, it was nothing short of awful. The hood of Seungmin’s hoodie did a pretty good job at keeping your head dry, which you appreciated, but there were still drops of water that would occasionally land on your face.

“This is just great,” You mumbled under your breath as your feet led you towards the closest library. There was nothing that could make this situation any worse.

“I thought I recognized that jacket,”

Maybe there was something.

Suddenly, the raindrops weren’t falling over your body and upon looking up you realized that Seungmin was holding an umbrella over you.

“How are you doing?” He questioned, his voice calm yet cheerful. There was a gentle smile tugging on his lips and while you couldn’t tell, there was caution behind it.

Seungmin was nervous. He’d wanted to approach you ever since the night of the party - to check up on you and see how you were doing - but something held him back. He knew you were embarrassed by what Changbin and Chaeyoung had said and he didn’t want to kick you while you were down with his presence. He was friends with them for God’s sake and you probably looked at him with the same cold eyes you’d stared at his friends with that night. One time, he could even swear that he’d caught your piercing glare shooting at him during class.

But then he saw you in that jacket, trudging through the downpour, and before he could really put much thought into his actions, he was catching up to you.

“I’m…good,” You shrugged, letting your steps slow down before coming to a stop. Your eyes caught his and you couldn’t help but notice how handsome he looked when his face wasn’t flushed and he wasn’t shoving bread into his mouth. He didn’t have the same charm as his friend Hyunjin but the warmth that radiated from his sharp features was undeniable.

“That’s good to hear,” You could only blink in response at the way his eyes formed crescents and nose scrunched up with his growing smile.

“What about you?” You rubbed your arm, a nervous habit you’d developed over your life.

“I’m okay,” Seungmin waved his hand to the side with a sigh, “Just stressed about the Chemistry midterm,”

“I bet you’ll do great,” You offered the boy a small encouragement, knowing that he was probably as wound up as you were about it.

“Hopefully,” He frowned as his eyes darted to the side with thought, “I just wish I had someone to study with,”

“What about your friends that you always sit with?” You raised a brow as you recalled the group of people he was always surrounded by in class.

“Yeah, like they’d actually study with me,” You found it interesting how quickly he waved off his friends, “Hyunjin is the only one out of them all that actually will try to understand the material but a lot of times, he’ll just give up if he doesn’t understand it. Usually, our ‘study dates’ just end up being meaningless rounds of conversation and boasting from Changbin,”

Scratch that, you found it hilarious how quickly he waved off his friends AND confirmed your assumptions about their conversations.

“That’s rough,” Even so, you didn’t know what to say back to his revelation.

“You’re in Mr. Jung’s class..right?” Seungmin didn’t know why he was asking you this. He knew you had the same class as him and he was pretty sure you knew that you knew.

“Uh…Yeah?” Your brows furrowed together, not understanding where he was going with that question.

“Oh, well, do you maybe want to study together?”

You were both surprised by the question, but because of different reasons. Seungmin was surprised that he was able to get the question out so easily while you were surprised that he would want to study with someone like..you. Obviously he hadn’t heard the best things about you from his friends, even if they were lies, so you couldn’t really figure out what to tell him.

“We could get those bread packets you really like and my apartment is pretty quiet and clean,”

Oh.

Now he was inviting you over.

Seungmin noticed the silence from you and felt a wave of anxiety crashing over him. What was he thinking by asking you to come back to his place? He barely knew you and from an experience that wasn’t great nonetheless. You probably thought he was a weirdo or something and any second now, you would tell him that.

“Are you going to pay for the bread?” His eyes widened for a second at the question and before he could stop himself, he was laughing.

“Yeah,” He nodded, ”I can pay,”

Seungmin’s apartment was a lot nicer than you had expected a boy’s apartment to be, especially since he’d told you that he shared it with two other guys. There was minimalistic furniture and decor, save for the framed picture of three cats above the TV, and everything seemed to be organized and cleaned really well. In honesty, it looked kind of like a room you’d see in Ikea.

You sat on top of the white couch, your eyes tracing over the orange stain that covered the arm rest. It was splotchy and mostly faded, save for the center of the stain.

“Hyunjin spilled soda a while back,” Your head darted at the sound of Seungmin’s voice as he returned from his room with a heater in his hands, “In case you were wondering what that was,”

“You live with Hyunjin?” You watched as he plugged in the machine, aiming it towards your feet to help your socks dry.

“Yeah. He’s my best friend,” He hummed before sitting down next to you, being sure to leave a space between the two of you, “I know he seems like kind of a dick but he really only acts like that when he’s around his basketball friends,”

“So you’re saying he’s fake?” Your toes wiggled under the warmth of the heat as you pulled your notes out of your backpack.

“No…he just…he has an image that people expect of him,” You listened to Seungmin’s explanation, not finding it to excuse Hyunjin’s actions. Still, you didn’t want to argue with him about why that was so you gave him a small nod before opening up your notebook.

“Why don’t we start with constitutional isomers,” You suggested, steering the conversation in a different direction.

Studying with Seungmin proved to be a lot better than you imagined studying on your own would have been. Whenever there was a concept you weren’t completely sure about, he’d explain how he understood it and vice versa. You could tell Seungmin was a smart guy and that he really valued his education from the way he was putting so much effort into reviewing. That made it even more difficult for you to understand why he hung out with his group of friends. He could do so much better but you also couldn’t blame him for that. You were friends with Chaeyoung until just weeks ago and you’d considered to be one of your closest friends, having known her since elementary school and all. You still couldn’t believe she threw away your friendship for a boy - a boy like Changbin of all things.

Still, dwelling on it wasn’t going to do you much good right now. You had a test to study for and you couldn’t afford to fail it, especially after the way today’s midterm went.

Minutes turned into two hours of studying and you couldn’t deny how your brain was feeling fried from all the information. You needed a break and you guessed that the universe wanted to give you one as you heard the doorknob of the front door jiggling until it swung open. As soon as your eyes landed on him, you realized that the universe was giving you the opposite of a break.

“What is she doing here?” You paid no mind to Hyunjin as he walked in with him and completely missed the confused stare he gave you.

“We’re studying,” You were even tuning Seungmin out a bit at this point. All you could focus on in that moment was Lee Minho. It felt like everything was suddenly moving in slow motion as his eyes caught yours and his lips parted in surprise.

“Y/N?” You were shocked to hear your name leave his lips, not expecting him to have remembered you.

“You know Y/N?” Hyunjin asked, he and Seungmin both looking almost as taken aback as you were.

“Yeah,” He was nodding at the questioned and you hoped he had some type of sense to not say how you actually knew him, “She had a crush on me when we were in high school,”

“You went to high school together?”

“You had a crush on him too?”

“Yeah,” When Minho continued talking, a rush of heat and cold ran over your head rapidly and your hands were clammy. You didn’t want to confront this right now. You were keeping your cool for weeks but this new development was the tipping point.

“She confessed to me with a letter. It was cute,”

And it had tipped over to a point that you hadn’t even heard the last part of his sentence. The moment you caught the way Hyunjin was looking at you, a shit-eating smile on his face, you felt tears starting to form in your eyes.

“How fucking desperate are you?? You wrote letters to two guys?” His words made your chest tighten with anxiety and a lump slowly formed in your throat.

“Hyunjin shut the fu-“ Seungmin quickly tried to come to your defense.

“I didn’t write shit for Changbin!” Your voice was louder than you’d expected and before you knew it, you were crying, “Chaeyoung was the one who wrote the fucking letters for him and she was the one who told me to write one for Minho,”

The three boys were silent with surprise and you suspected that Minho held more confusion than surprise. You felt their stares on you, catching every second of vulnerability that you wished you could hide.

“What?” Seungmin watched as you hid your face in your hands, loose strands of your hair helping you in your effort.

“She wrote him the letters, okay? I just didn’t want to say anything because she was my friend,” Your breaths were uneven as you spoke and Minho seemed to be the only one to catch that as he moved forward to sit next to you on the couch.

He knew the least about the situation at hand - hell, he hadn’t even seen you since high school. He hadn’t talked to you since you told him you were the one that liked him. He practically knew nothing about you but what he did know was that you were overwhelmed and panicking.

“Hey,” He voice was calm and gentle as his hand moved over your shoulder, giving you a reassuring squeeze, “Take a deep breath in…and out,” 

He was talking you down, helping to calm your nerves and telling you that it was okay. His voice and your quiet sniffles were soon the only sound that filled the room. Hyunjin and Seungmin were petrified in their spots, not knowing what to say or do until finally Hyunjin’s curiosity got the better of him.

“Chaeyoung literally dumped your friendship like it was nothing. How could you defend her after that?” Minho shot him a look as soon as the words were out in the air, trying to tell him that this wasn’t the time for that.

“Dude, stop th-“ He was about to call him out for it but you were quick to cut him off.

“She was my friend,” You frowned, “I wasn’t going to embarrass her like that even if she was…being the way she was,”

“Why the fuck not?”

“I don’t know Hyunjin. I could ask you why you were being a dick to me,” Hyunjin didn’t miss the ice in your tone and how it made him feel small. He didn’t like the way his name sounded on your lips and how it was laced with malice. He was dumbfounded and all he could stand to do was apologize.

“I’m sorry,”

“It doesn’t matter if you’re sorry,”

After you had calmed down enough, Minho suggested that Hyunjin and Seungmin go out to pick up something to eat. It was getting late and he suspected that you probably wouldn’t eat if they let you go home like this.

That’s how you found yourself sitting by yourself in the living room, holding onto a half-full glass of water as Minho looked for something in his room, telling you that he would be back in a second after finding whatever it was. You rested back against the couch and glanced up, letting your eyes follow the blades of the ceiling fan above you. You heard him shuffling around for a while before he ran back outside and at first, you weren’t sure that he’d even brought anything back.

But then you saw the carefully folded piece of paper in his hand and you were confused.

“Why do you still have that?” You thought he would’ve thrown it away after excusing you as some stupid kid.

“I like it,” He raised a brow, tone indicating that he was unsure as to why you were asking that question, “It’s one of the sweetest things I’ve ever received,”

“It’s embarrassing,” You sighed and set the glass down as Minho unfolded the paper.

“No, it’s not,” He shook his head as he moved closer to you to help you read it better, “I want to just read you this one part. You wrote ‘I may not be the prettiest or the most popular but I think I have enough bravery to say what’s on my mind and so I want to tell you that I like you,”

Cringe was the first thing that came to your mind as you read but when you saw the smile on Minho’s lips, you weren’t sure what you were thinking anymore.

“I thought that was cute and I think it’s something you need to hear right now,” He refolded the note and set it on the coffee table, “I don’t know everything that’s going on with you and I still find it crazy that we’re seeing each other after five years but that’s not the point. The point is that you are different from when I last saw you,”

“Well, obviously, it’s been five years,” You furrowed your brows, not seeing where he was going with this.

“No, I mean you’re letting people walk over you. That’s not brave at all Y/N,” His tone was calm as he tried to get his point across, “You can’t let people take advantage of you, even if they were your friends. I know it’s hard but you either have to confront them or ignore them. I may not know you well but I feel like I got to know what kind of a person you were from this letter and I think you’re a caring, sweet person who has a lot of love to give. Y/N, you have to give some of that love to yourself. Don’t let little shits like Changbin and Hyunjin make a fool out of you. I know you’re brave and you don’t have to think about others if it’s affecting you negatively,”

All you could do was blink at his advice as you found yourself at a loss for words. How could he put everything into words so easily and have it make so much sense. He knew exactly what you wanted to and needed to hear.

You wondered if that was a reason why you started liking him in the first place. He was always helping others, making people smile and caring for those around him. That was the reputation he had and you found yourself infatuated with it when you were fourteen. And now, you were sitting next to that boy, years later, experiencing that care for yourself and it was every bit as helpful and warm as you’d imagined.

“Just be you and care for you,”

Wednesday Morning.

You hadn’t seen Seungmin or Hyunjin since Monday night after you had dinner at his apartment. Minho had offered to drive you home after that and before you’d left his car, he’d said a few more things that left you thinking.

_“By the way,” His eyes stayed on the steering wheel as you unbuckled your seatbelt, “If you’d waited a few minutes longer that day, I think we really could’ve become friends… maybe something more…Don’t sell yourself short. You wrote that you aren’t pretty or popular but that shouldn’t be the criteria for someone to like you. You’re obviously smart - judging from the fact that you’re going to university-, and I know you’re kind, and Seungmin seems to think that you’re worth his time so…just don’t put yourself down. I’m a grad student now and I’ve went through a lot of shit through my first four years too. The best advice I can tell you is that even if it might be hard at first, give yourself more credit and care.”_

Lee Minho. Even after five years, he still was able to make your heart pound but this time you knew you didn’t have a crush on him. He was just….so unforgivingly himself and you found it enthralling.

You spent a lot of the next day thinking about what he said and while it was by a small amount, you were feeling less sorry for yourself.

For the first time in a while, you weren’t fighting an urge to look over at Changbin and his friends. You didn’t feel the need to give them any attention. You didn’t have to confront him or Chaeyoung and could throw them to the back of your mind. You had one lecture period left until your Chemistry midterm on Friday and you weren’t going to let them put more stress on you than you needed.

“Hey,”

“Hi Y/N,”

The sound of their voices, however, gave you that stress anyways.

At least initially.

“Can Seungmin and I sit with you?” Hyunjin awkwardly asked, fumbling with the straps of his bag as his eyes avoided yours.

“We know that you lost one of your closest friends but if it’s okay with you, we want to be your friends,” Seungmin added, his eyes hopeful for your answer. You weren’t sure what to say at first but as the professor’s voice filled the room, you found yourself nodding. Relieved smiles spread over the boys’ faces before they piled into the seats next to you.

“Shit, Y/N,” Hyunjin sighed, “How do you see the slides from all the way back here,”

“You’re just blind Hyunjin” Seungmin rolled his eyes, earning a small laugh from you.

“You’ll get used to it,” You shook your head before turning your attention to the lecture, _“You’ll be okay,”_


	4. Lee Felix

There were two days left.

There were only two days before you could sleep in, lay in your own bed at home, and watch all the anime to your heart’s content. Once the two days were up, the bliss of winter break would be upon you. The image of sitting in your childhood room with a giant blanket draped over your figure, drinking a freshly brewed, warm cup of tea, and watching the nth season of whatever show you decided to marathon on your laptop was an inviting one. It was a reality you wanted to get to as quick as possible. You could almost taste the chamomile on your lips but a looming stress continuously pulled you back from your thoughts.

“Okay, we’ve all already taken one final. Tomorrow, Hyunjin and I have our Sports Medicine final and you have Comparative Literature. Then, OChem is on Friday. I’m thinking we spend about three hours studying for tomorrow’s finals. Then we can take a break for about half an hour and head out to the chemistry review afterwards,” Both you and Hyunjin watched as Seungmin rambled on about the day’s schedule, feeling a bit worried for the boy but mostly amused. You’d come to note in the passing months that Seungmin always seemed to lose his cool just a little bit before big deadlines or exams. He was smart and cool headed, there was no doubt about it, so seeing him pace around your living room while creating a timeline for the whole day was an interesting sight to say the least. It was never like he fell of the edge or anything though so you didn’t see a reason to worry and instead tried to hone in on your own studying.

“Sounds good,” Hyunjin nodded as he opened up his class notes, which you found to be pleasantly organized. You couldn’t help but smile from your seat next to him as you recalled the day you had helped him with those.

_“Okay, see,” Your voice was quiet in an attempt to not disturb the other kids in the library. You held up Hyunjin’s note book, frowning as you took in the sight of it. There was not bullet points, no sectioning, no highlighting, no organization at all. The pages looked like they were just filled up by one giant paragraph that was hard to make sense. The paragraph itself wouldn’t have even been too bad if it weren’t for the sloppy penmanship that you knew you could attribute to when Hyunjin would write down notes as he was falling asleep. You remembered witnessing it the first week in to when he and Seungmin started sitting with you. It was a culture shock to see the boy with eyes half-open, heading lulling forward and back as he tried to keep himself awake and write down words which eventually became utter nonsense._

_“I don’t even know what you were trying to write here Hyunjin. What is ‘rent strare’? We were talking about resonance structures in lecture,” You furrowed your brows as you pointed out the errors in his notes._

_“Sorry….I just get really overwhelmed in that class,” His sudden apology caught your attention, “I already have trouble understanding the material when I’m fully awake but then basketball practice from the night before will leave me drained and the professor’s monotone just puts me to sleep,”_

_Hyunjin had turned out to be a lot different than your first impression had painted him out to be. Seungmin was right when he told you Hyunjin acted differently around his basketball friends and cliquey pals. When he was with them, he held the air of some playboy dick type that you would see in movies. He made stupid jokes and acted like he was still in high school whenever he was around that crowd so you made sure to steer clear of him during those times._

_But when he was with you or Seungmin he was different. You didn’t see it at first but as you spent more time alone with him, you found the vulnerabilities and more ‘human’ qualities he held. He was genuinely worried about his classes and didn’t want to sacrifice his grades for his sport. He’d told you on one occasion what basketball meant to him. It was his pride - something that he had perfected and worked so hard for throughout his whole life._

_“I feel like basketball validates me a bit, you know?” He had held a sad smile on his face the day he admitted that, “A lot of times, people think that all there is to me is a pretty face and growing up I was told that so much. I really hated it. But then I started playing and people started to look at me for something other than my appearance. I want to keep proving people wrong,”_

_That’s how you’d ended up studying with him. He wanted to prove people wrong and show that he was capable of keeping his grades up and playing basketball at the same time. Every Wednesday, when Seungmin had work and couldn’t help the boy out, you took his spot. You found that Hyunjin was actually really intelligent. He just needed work on time management and organization._

_“Alright, here’s how I stay awake and focused in class,” You scooted closer to the boy as you pulled out a fresh piece of paper from your binder, “I have three highlighters that are different colors. One is for the main topic, one is for subtopics, and the last one is for important side notes that I catch. I feel like when you look at the slides, and pick out how to categorize everything and take it all in, you focus a lot better and class goes by quicker too. The colors make everything look nice and organized so I also feel satisfied and happy when I see everything so perfectly displayed,”_

_Hyunjin watched with curious eyes as you copied what you could of his notes, using the method you had just described to create a perfect presentation of information. He noticed the way you chewed your bottom lip in concentration and how your gaze was so focused on the piece of paper. He even caught how the fingers of your left hand would tap lightly and almost rhythmically against the table. He wondered if that was a habit of yours. If it was a habit, it was kind of cute. It was like you were trying to tap out the tune of some song but the tempo kept changing every so often._

_“There!” You exclaimed a little too loudly, earning the glares of a few neighboring students. Hyunjin barely stifled his laughter at the sight of you shrinking against the table in embarrassment._

_“Anyways,” You mumbled awkwardly, handing Hyunjin the paper, “Just do that and you should be fine…but If you do need any more help focusing in class, let me know”_

_“Y-yeah, I will” You hadn’t caught the way he fumbled on the words and he thanked the heavens for that._

You took a bite of bread - courtesy of Seungmin - as your eyes glazed over the practice multiple choice exam your professor had posted online. The questions seemed to be pretty straight forward and, in all honesty, kind of easy. You prayed that this wasn’t one of those situations where the real exam ended up being ten times harder than the practice. It always annoyed you when professors pulled those types of tricks. What was the point of creating a practice test if it was going to prepare you for the real thing. The whole thing would just waste your time and inevitably lead to your failure and you couldn’t have that, especially not in your third year. You had to keep your grades up until you figured out what you wanted to do with your future. If you wanted to be a doctor you’d have to take the MCAT, to be a dentist the DCAT, pharmacists had the PCAT, teachers had to get a teaching credential, and who know what other professions required you to do. Everything just seemed to have so many prerequisites and you weren’t sure you even had the energy to complete those since there was nothing you felt passionate enough about to land on and so-

“Y/N,” Seungmin’s voice pulled you out of your thoughts and you shot your head up to look at the boy, “Are you okay?”

“Huh?” You were taken aback by his question. Why wouldn’t you be okay?

“You’re crushing the roll,” Hyunjin pointed to your hand and you immediately loosened your grip.

“Oh,” You grimaced at the ruined treat and grabbed a napkin off the coffee table to clean up the crumbs before throwing it away, “I guess I got kind of stressed and didn’t realize,”

“Do you need a break? We have fifteen more minutes until we’re officially supposed to go on break but we could do it early.” You could tell Seungmin was stressed out too and even Hyunjin showed signs of being overwhelmed as he capped and uncapped his pen repeatedly.

“Yeah I think we could all use a break,”

“Do we have to go to the chemistry review?” Hyunjin sighed as he slouched against the couch, “I feel like I learn more from Y/N than I do from Mr. Jung,”

“Honestly though, I don’t feel like the review is going to be much help either,” Your gaze met Seungmin’s, eyes pleading for him to agree with you.

“What are we supposed to do instead? Go get ice cream?” His tone was completely sarcastic, you all knew that, but the smile that overtook your features made Seungmin regret his choice of words because it only took 20 minutes for you to pull him and Hyunjin out of your apartment and drive to a Baskin Robbins.

He watched in awe as you cheerfully took a spoonful of dessert into your mouth before animatedly telling Hyunjin how good it tasted. It was like your whole body had lit up compared to when you were studying earlier. This whole week had been tough. You’d started studying as soon as you could, most of that going towards chemistry. He thought it was really amazing how focused you managed to stay throughout the study sessions. Every now and then, he’d catch you glimpsing at your phone but it was mostly minimal. He was surprised that none of you had cracked yet to be honest. Finals were the most stressful part of the year. If you messed one up, you could easily fail the whole class.

“Hey Seungmin, try this,” Your voice caught his attention and his eyes widened as you held your spoon out towards him, coaxing him to take a sample of your ice cream. He wasn’t sure why heat rose to his cheeks at the gesture. It wasn’t some out right weird action or anything like that. Maybe it was because it was something he saw couples doing the same things on countless occasions.

Wait. Why was he thinking that? You guys weren’t a couple or anything so there was nothing to worry about there. It was just ice cream and-

Before he could move forward to try it, Hyunjin took your hand and directed it towards him instead.

“You’re too slow Seungmin. It was going to melt,” Hyunjin chuckled at the confused expression that covered Seungmin’s face.

“Hey, I didn’t say you could try it,” You deadpanned, making Hyunjin feign a gasp, “I don’t know what kind of germs you have from kissing all those girls at the parties you go to,”

“Y/N,” Hyunjin whined at the attack, “I haven’t kissed anyone in weeks,”

“See, I don’t believe that,” You held your spoon out towards Seungmin again but he shook his head at the offer as he began to think about just how many girls Hyunjin had made out with at parties. Instead, he used his own spoon to get a bite.

“I haven’t!” Hyunjin insisted as he watched you and Seungmin try the other’s ice cream, feeling his stomach twist at the interaction.

“Why not? That’s kind of unlike you?” You sat back against the booth, raising a brow at Hyunjin as you did so.

“Well… There’s just one girl I want to kiss right now,” His voice was soft but it was loud enough for both you and Seungmin to catch and in an instant your interrogations began.

_“Who is she?”_

_“Do we have class with her?”_

_“Is she nice?”_

_“Does she go to your games?”_

_“Does she listen to Stray Kids?”_

_“What kind of-“_

“I don’t want to say,” He shook his head, cutting your questions off.

“Oh my God, he’s shy,” Seungmin gasped as his gaze caught yours, both filled with excitement.

“Okay, Hyunjin,” You took a deep breath, “You don’t have to tell us but if you do Seungmin and I will tell you the one person we want to kiss,”

Both boys were shocked at your offer, not knowing that there was someone that you fancied.

“What?” Hyunjin furrowed his brows.

“That’s my offer to you my guy,” You shrugged before taking another spoonful of ice cream, “Don’t feel pressured though, okay? Only tell us if you’re comfortable. Us telling you our picks is just like, I guess a way to help you not feel so exposed,”

“O-Okay,” Hyunjin was agreeing before he even knew what he was doing. He just wanted to know who you liked, “You go first,”

“His name is Felix,”

Felix? That name didn’t sound familiar to either boy and you could tell they were confused just from the looks on their faces.

“He’s my brother’s best friend. I used to have a crush on him when I was a senior in high school. I don’t have a crush on him now or anything like that but if he ever asked me for a kiss I don’t think I’d say no,” You shrugged at the explanation, not thinking much of it, “You guys go,”

“O-oh, I pick Momo from Twice,” You giggled at Seungmin’s answer, expecting nothing less from the boy. He never hit you as the type of boy to have a crush.

“Okay, Hyunjin, if you want to tell us you can,” You smiled warmly at the boy, “But don’t worry too much about it if you’re not ready,”

He thought about it for a second. Was this really how he wanted to be outed for his crush?

“Um..I don’t think I’m ready yet just because I’m not completely sure about my feelings but you guys will be the first to know once I figure out how I really think about her,” His eyes stayed on his ice cream cup, finding the logo printed on it to suddenly be really interesting.

“That’s fine, Hyunjin,” You shook your head, smile adorning your lips, “Take your time”

“Whoever she is, she’s lucky to have _you_ pining for her,” Seungmin added with a chuckle.

 _Yeah._ Hyunjin thought. _Real Lucky_

There was a nervous lump in his throat and while he didn’t realize it, Seungmin was sharing in the experience with him.

Finals were over.

Winter Break was upon you.

The warmth of your blanket and freedom from stress was something that you really missed during school.

It was something you still missed because one day into break, your house was getting fumigated for bugs. Thankfully, your family was too lazy - and cheap - to actually get a professional fumigation done so they’d bought some foggers from Walmart and called it a day. The foggers would take four hours to complete their task so until then, your parents planned to stay at your neighbor’s place. You, on the other hand, were given a task by your brother. He was still at school, unable to come home for a few more days, but he had to return a video game to one of his friends.

“Which friend do I give this to?” You questioned through the phone as you picked up the DVD from the spot in his room where he said it would be.

“Felix. You remember where he lives right? You dropped me off there

And so, that’s how you found yourself standing in front of your old crush’s door, waiting for him to open up so that you could hand him the video game and then run off before you did anything embarrassing.

“Yeah Mom,” Your head snapped up at the sound of his voice calling out as the door swung open, “I got the door,”

“O-oh,” You stood up a bit straighter, “Hey Felix,”

“Y/N,” You thought you were going to throw up from nerves as he shot you a smile, “I haven’t seen you in forever!”

“Yeah,” You nodded, inhaling through your nose as you tried to calm yourself, “I have your game,”

“Oh my God. You’re a life saver. Your brother has had this for forever,” He laughed as you handed him the game, watching as his eyes shone with joy at the item.

“Yup…well…I’ll see you later-“ You moved to back away but before you could Felix was asking you a question.

“What are you doing today?” He asked, head tilting to the side with curiosity.

“My house is getting fumigated so I’m just chilling at my neighbor’s place,” You shrugged, “You know Mr. and Mrs. Kim, right?”

“The couple with the birds?” His eyes formed crescents as his laugh filled the air, “Oh no,”

“They’re not that bad,” You laughed along with him.

“Y/N, that is an overstatement and I can not even begin to explain just how wrong your sentence is,” He shook his head, laughter dying down slowly while his tone still stayed casual, “You’d be better off just hanging out with me,”

You were surprised at his suggestion, not knowing if he was being serious or not. Obviously he wouldn’t want to hang out with someone like you. You were just an old classmate and above that his friend’s older sister. He was probably just being nice or something…

_Don’t sell yourself short._

Minho’s words rang though your head in an instant. It felt like a revelation you’d read about in a book when the main character finally grew some balls and did something out of their comfort zone.

You wanted to be that main character.

“What do you have in mind Felix?”

“You know, out of all the places we could have gone to you just had to pick this place, huh?” You glanced up at Felix as he took a seat at the top of the bleachers before gesturing for you to sit next to him. In front of you stood the pride of your high school: the football field. Unlike when football season was in play, the bleachers were empty save for you, Felix, and the pigeons that rested on the opposing side.

“The view from up here just hits differently when the sun sets,” He shrugged off your remark before leaning back against the railings.

“Well,” You followed his lead, “We have another hour before that happens,”

“Plenty of time to catch up,” He shot you another grin and you could have sworn your chest was going to explode at the sight. It was crazy how much of an effect this guy still had on you, especially as the conversation started flowing. You forgot how easy it was to talk to Felix. He was always really childish and sweet with his actions but the way he spoke was so eloquent that you were sure he could make any girl swoon. His deep tone and accent did wonders to help with that too. If he were to ever do voice overs or become a singer, you were sure he would make a lot of money.

Talking with Felix seemed to come naturally, to your surprise. Your laughs and giggles sounded throughout the air as you talked about the times when you were kids and the stupidest things.

“Do you remember when I made your brother think your treehouse was haunted?” There were tears pricking his eyes at the memory, “He jumped out like an idiot,”

“Oh My Gosh,” You gasped as you recalled the event, “He fractured his ankle and my parents were so mad. They tore down the treehouse like a week later,”

“Wait wait wait, remember when you tried to sneak the case of Coca Cola upstairs and then dropped it?” You raised a brow at the thought. You weren’t allowed to take food and drinks upstairs in your house but Felix and your brother thought that they could sneak up a 16-pack of soda to his room. Unfortunately for them, Felix fumbled the case and it fell all the way down the stairs, causing the cans to explode and cover the carpets, walls, and rails with soda. You could still hear your mother screaming at the pair in the back of your head.

“I still never understood how you could have been so stupid. You know we still have stains,”

“That wasn’t my brightest moment,” Felix physically cringed at the memory.

Years worth of stories filled your conversation and you hadn’t even noticed how much time you had spent talking with Felix until he was pointing out that the sun was setting.

He was right when he said that the view hit different from up there. The hues of orange and pink played against the skies beautifully and hit the cool green of the grass below. You could see the neighboring homes across the street from this height and caught sight of a few kids riding their bikes up the street. They looked like they were having a lot of fun and for a moment, you missed being a kid. Everything seemed so simple in that moment with Felix. You hadn’t even realized the next words you’d said to him until they had passed your lips.

“You know I used to have a crush on you in high school?” Your heartbeat was calmer than you’d thought it would be.

“Yeah, I know,” Felix’s words, however, did not let that last. Your head whipped to face him as your heart started to thump loudly against your chest.

“What?” Your eyes were wide as you stared at him, watching as he smiled at you once again with. that. damn. smile. He was even prettier now with the vibrant orange colors dancing atop his skin. His dark hair fell just over his eyebrows, the sun’s rays making it look a bit warmer than usual. His eyes, which were usually brown shined golden and bright. The freckles that you had grown accustomed to seeing over your childhood were still splattered perfectly over his skin. Everything about him was so….ethereal.

“I knew,” Felix nodded, smile never leaving his lips, “I liked you too ya know?”

That one knocked all the words out of your mouth.

Felix liked _you_?

“I just never knew how to tell you since I was friends with your brother. I didn’t want to ruin our relationship because you both mean a lot to me,” Felix nodded. You weren’t sure if it was from being nervous or from the sun setting, but you could’ve sworn his cheeks were turning pink.

“But, yeah. I thought you were so beautiful and charming and sweet and smart and I liked you so much,”

His eyes stayed on yours with every word and you watched how they traveled to your lips at the end. You didn’t move as he leaned in to you. Your mind was blank as his soft hands cupped your face. You hadn’t even realized you were holding your breath until you felt his against your skin. The only thing you could register was how fast your heart was racing. The last time it was going this fast must of been when you confessed to Minho. As soon as Felix’s lips were on yours, however, you knew it was worse this time around.

This was it.

Your first kiss.

And it belonged to Lee Felix.

He was gentle with his movements, letting his lips move against yours slowly but surely. It took you just a second to react to his kiss, responding with the same amount of pressure that he put out. You had to admit that Felix was a good kisser, a really good kisser.He smiled into to kiss as he felt you becoming more comfortable with the action. He tilted his head to the side, giving more access to your lips as his tongue slid into your mouth. Your hands grabbed onto his biceps, trying to find purchase with anything they could hold. The kiss was still slow but with each passing second, it grew more desperate as if it were trying to make up for all the lost years where you and Felix stayed quiet. There was a churning sensation in your stomach, not one that made you feel bad but instead like the type you’d get when you went on stage for a huge performance or when you’d meet your idol during a concert’s hi touch. You surprised yourself as you leaned forward to deepen the kiss, taking in as much of it as you could.

This was everything you hoped your first kiss would be. There was so much trust, so much love, so much admiration.

It was perfect…almost.

You were first to pull away, panting for air as you eyes locked with his. The only sound that filled the air was that of your breathing and the cars driving through town.

“That…It..I..” You struggled to find the words to say.

“You didn’t feel it either, right?” Felix, however, seemed to have no problem.

_‘Yeah…I guess we missed the timing,”_

There was trust, love, admiration.

But there was no spark. Maybe if you had told him two years ago, it would have been different. Maybe Felix would have been your first boyfriend but there was no use in mulling over that now, right? Minho had taught you that.

Felix was your last crush. He was your first love. It would always stay that way even if it wasn’t romantic.

If this had happened at any other point in your life, you probably wouldn’t have known how to handle it but with how things were going on now, _you felt okay_.


	5. Hwang Hyunjin

“A basketball game?” Your brow raised at the sudden proposition from Hyunjin as you sat back against the couch cushions

“You’ve never asked us to come before,” Seungmin chimed up from next to you, confusion written on his face.

It was just another day where the three of you decided to go back to their apartment after classes. Midterms for the second quarter had come and gone while finals still laid a few weeks away. It was an awkward time in the quarter where there was no rush and not as much stress as you were used to. If you had to say, it was one of your favorite times because of the lack of work to do but also one of your least favorite because you felt like there was something you were _supposed_ to be doing. Unlike the other quarters, however, this period was busy for Hyunjin because of basketball. His season was in full swing and apparently, one of his biggest games was this week.

“We’re going up against our rival school so there’s a lot of hype but there’s also a lot of pressure and I just want my best friends to be there,” You were taken aback by the phrasing. He thought you were best friends?

At the beginning of the year, you never would have pictured being an acquaintance of Hyunjin’s, let alone a best friend. He always seemed like he was a part of another world. His picture was plastered all over the university, portraying him as this talented athlete that everyone looked up to. His name was on the lips of countless girls on campus, each fantasizing about what a night with him would be like. So many people seemed to know him, idolize him, love him. He was on a whole different level. If it weren’t for the fact that you spent the better part of the year sitting next to him in class, you would have pegged him to be some model. He had the height, figure, and looks.

Even in that moment - dressed in a simple black t shirt and jeans- he looked ethereal. He stood in front of you and Seungmin, his arms crossed in front of his chest as he bit on his bottom lip nervously.

Hyunjin had never asked you or Seungmin to go to his games. You both knew that Changbin and all his other friends would watch and Hyunjin knew you hated that crowd. Hell, it took him forever to get Seungmin to even agree to go to Changbin’s party and that obviously didn’t turn out too great.

However, with the amount of stress he was feeling with the upcoming game, he needed you both there. He liked his other friends but with you and Seungmin, it was different. He didn’t feel like he had to put up a face for the two of you. You didn’t care that he was on the basketball team and you couldn’t give two shits about the way he looked.

_“We’re just happy that you’re doing something you love,”_

He remembered the way you had smiled at him that day. It was the beginning of his season and he’d been worried that you and Seungmin might be upset that he was spending less time with you two - well more you than Seungmin since the two lived together. That’s how it usually worked with his other friends. If he gave a little less of himself to someone, they’d call him out on it. He never understood the logic of that. If he needed time for himself or even just a break from a person, then shouldn’t he be entitled to it? It’s not like he was this social monster that had all the energy in the world to interact with those around him. He hated that people would expect so much from others, to a point where they don’t even consider that person’s feelings.

He didn’t want you to have that mindset and be angry with him. He loved your company but he also had his own life, his own sport, to focus on. So, when he asked you and Seungmin if you didn’t like that basketball was cutting into your ‘hang out’ time, he was nervous - way more nervous than he was in the present - but that all seemed to fade away when you spoke, assuring him that there was nothing at all for him to worry about and that if you were really his friends, that would never be an issue.

And now, for the second time, he felt his nerves washing away as you nudged Seungmin, telling him that maybe it would be fun.

“We could make him these obnoxious cheer signs,” You giggled, hand playfully tapping Seungmin’s shoulder.

“What if we photoshop his head onto a llama,” Hyunjin watched as Seungmin’s eyes widened with his suggestion.

“Oh my Gosh Seungmin!” You gasped, seemingly finding the idea to be a gold mine, and turned back to Hyunjin, “You sure you still want us there?”

There was a smile on Hyunjin’s lips as he stared down at his two friends, “Of Course I do,”

“Hey,” Your hand loosely hung around Seungmin’s wrist, pulling him forward through the bleachers, “I see some empty seats over there,”

The gym was packed, something you had expected but not to this degree. You had underestimated just how far this rivalry with the opposing team went. Apparently, it dated back to decades earlier and from what Hyunjin told you, the other school had cheated and snatched the league victory from them. Since then, there just seemed to be hostile attitudes towards the whole thing and while you thought the situation was something straight out of a poorly written high school movie, you had to come to terms with the fact that this was, in fact, a very real thing happening in life. People were holding signs attacking each other, most of them related to memes but some a little less friendly.

Music blasted through the speakers above as the players warmed up on the court. The first thing you noticed after sitting down was just how tall everyone down there was - Hyunjin was actually one of the short guys for once. The second thing you noticed was how focused Hyunjin looked as he took a shot. He never looked like this when you worked on Chemistry. You noticed the way his brows furrowed so slightly and how he’d run his tongue over his bottom lip before jumping up for a shot. If it went in, a small smile would appear on his face and if it didn’t he’d clap his hands together, as if he was telling himself to get his head in the game.

Honestly, you could see why people fussed over Hyunjin so much. He was attractive, there was no doubt, but something about watching him actually play made him look hot. From the way his dark hair bounced as he did the drills to the way his arms looked so toned every time he passed the ball, it was enough to make most girls swoon,

“Look, it’s Changbin,” Your attention left Hyunjin as soon as Seungmin ushered towards the first row of bleachers where Changbin sat. He was with his usual group of friends and you couldn’t help but let your eyes linger on your former friend. You sometimes still had difficulty believing that she let your friendship fall apart for a boy whose face used to look like a slice of pizza.

“They look as loud as ever,” You rolled your eyes, referring to both the noise they made and the expensive clothes they wore. You even noticed Chaeyoung wearing some new outfit you had never seen before.

“I heard Chaeyoung and Changbin started officially dating,” Seungmin shook his head before letting his eyes fall back on the court.

“They deserve each other,” You mumbled a response before following his lead.

It was only a few minutes before the game officially began. The announcer called out the starting lineup of each team and every name followed up with a roar of cheers and applause. You only clapped for the guys that were on your team but when Hyunjin’s name was called, you couldn’t help but stand up and scream his name as the sign you and Seungmin made for him stood up in your outstretched arms. It was just a simple poster with the phrase “Make that shot Hyunjin”. You’d decided not to embarrass the boy, or yourself, with a llama.

Hyunjin caught sight of you and Seungmin cheering in the crowd and the smile that lit up his features looked like it was full of nothing but joy.

“He saw us!” You laughed as you brought the sign down and took your seat again. Seungmin did the same, letting out a final cheer as the game began.

You were on the edge of your seat throughout the whole game. You were completely focused , watching as each team powered through the other’s defense to make countless shots. You thought your heart was nearly going to drop when one of Hyunjin’s shots hit the rim and rolled over the perimeter before falling in. The screaming from the crowd was deafening with each point but you couldn’t find yourself to mind as you joined. You cheered when your team made a point, groaned when the other did the same, and complained (very loudly as Seungmin told you) whenever a foul was called. By the final quarter, you were standing up, clutching your homemade sign tightly in your hands as the final seconds dwindled down. The score was close at 65-63 with your university’s team trailing behind. There were only fifteen seconds left on the clock and the ball was in your team’s hands - well specifically Hyunjin’s. He had the best scoring average among the team and it seemed like they were looking for him to take the lead on this one.

Your stomach flipped with anxiety as you watched him dribble down the court, crossing the guy marking him before running close enough to the hoop where he could comfortably take a shot.

You thought you were going to vomit when the ball bounced off the side of the rim and a rebound was made by the other team. It only took another four seconds for the buzzer to go off and the score to be set. You noticed Hyunjin visibly tense up as he looked up at the scoreboard, hands clenching at his sides before he found his composure. If he was upset, he didn’t let it show for more than that small moment. Even as the teams lined up to shake hands, he had a fake smile plastered onto his face.

“Do you think he’ll be okay?” You frowned, plopping down next to Seungmin as the team moved outside - probably to the locker rooms - for their post game discussion.

“I think so,” Seungmin nodded before looking over and noticing the worried expression on your face, “This isn’t his first loss so don’t worry. He’ll be down for like a day but then he always bounces back better than ever,”

“You sure?” A sigh escaped your lips as you glanced around the emptying gym building.

“I’m positive. Don’t underestimate Hyunjin,” He assured, giving you a small pat on the back. His words eased your worry. Seungmin had probably seen Hyunjin come home from losses before so you didn’t doubt that he’d know what to do if he really was overly upset.

The minutes dragged by as you waited for Hyunjin to make his way out. You’d migrated to where the lockers were located as cleanup in the gym had begun and, now, you weren’t sure how long you’d been waiting in the hallway. After the first fifteen minutes, Seungmin had left you to wait alone as he remembered that he’d only bought a parking permit that lasted until the end of the hour and had to move his car. You chuckled at the fresh image of the boy running down the hall to avoid getting a ticket.

Another five minutes passed before people actually started to file out of the locker room. You stepped off to the side with intimidation. From up in the bleachers, these guys looked tall but when you were actually standing next to them they were something else. Still, you couldn’t find yourself lamenting on that for long as you looked out for Hyunjin. When he didn’t come out, you felt worry creeping up again and sent him a text. His response was almost immediate.

**_Hyunjin: I’m the last one here. You can come in if you want._ **

In any other moment, you would’ve just continued waiting outside but something about the way he looked when that buzzer sounded made you disregard the voice of reason in the back of your head and lead you straight inside.

“Hyunjin?” You called out carefully as you walked through the halls of lockers.

“I’m over here,” His voice sounded from the other side of the room and you found your self following it and turning a corner to find your friend sitting hunched over on a bench. His elbows were propped up on his legs and his face rested in his hands.

“Hey,” Your voice was gentle as you made your way towards him, taking a seat on the cold bench, “Are you alright?” You left a space between the two of you as you reached forward to rub his back in an attempt to comfort him. His body tensed at your touch before quickly relaxing against it. A sharp silence filled the air as you waited for Hyunjin to say something. When he finally did, you felt your heart drop.

“It’s my fault we lost,” In a second, he was crying, his quiet sobs echoing off the walls of the locker room.

“Hey, hey, no,” Your body closed the space between you two as you pulled him into a hug. Hyunjin’s arms immediately wrapped around your frame, gently pulling you close to him and his face buried itself in your shoulder, “It’s not your fault,”

“If…If I made that shot we would have won. What kind of..a captain misses the final shot? I can’t fucking do anything right,” His hold around you tightened as he spoke, anger evident in his voice., “This was such a big game too,”

You listened to his words earnestly, trying to think of what you could say to make him feel differently. He was already feeling pressured to win and to think that that couldn’t be achieved because of him must be gnawing at him.

“Hyunjin,” You sighed, pulling away from him, “There were a lot of plays that happened tonight, both from your team and the other one. Any of those plays could have tipped the scales in favor or against you. Today, their team was better at their plays so in the end they got the win. Your last shot wasn’t the reason for you losing. Never put that much responsibility on yourself when you had a whole team that could’ve done something different. You all worked together tonight and it wasn’t enough but another night, it will be,”

“That doesn’t change the fact-“ Hyunjin tried to argue but found himself mute as you raised your finger in front of him.

“No,” You shook your head, “Hyunjin, when you win, you don’t say that you’re the sole reason for winning so why would you do that when you lose?”

He was speechless at your words and let them sink in. Why was he doing that? He knew you were right and that the team just didn’t click as well tonight as it did other nights so why was he only finding the faults in himself?

“There’s always going to be losses, yeah?” Your hands reached up to cup his face, thumbs wiping the tears stains off his cheeks, “It’s just up to you to decide if you’re going to let them drag you down or use them to become better,” Your laugh sounded through the air as you caught sight of Hyunjin’s stunned expression.

“So are we going to be goo-“

“I like you,” 

Your words were cut off suddenly and it was deafeningly quiet. At his sudden confession, your expression quickly fell to surprise. You weren’t expecting him to say something like that to you and, so, it was your turn to be stunned.

Hyunjin’s eyes avoided yours as he took your hands and moved them down to your lap.

“I don’t need an answer from you right now. You don’t even have to say anything if you don’t want to but I just….I just wanted you to know,” The sigh that left his lips was shaky and he couldn’t bring himself to look at you. He felt the most vulnerable he’d ever felt in his life at that very moment.

He found that he was vulnerable around you on several occasions. Since getting to know you, you were always the one he turned to for help. You never judged him and you only ever offered him genuine advice and care. It was just so easy for him to show that side of himself to you. You were different than what he was used to and he liked that…a lot more than he wanted to admit.

_You were his first crush._

He’d never experienced something like this before. Usually, girls would be crushing on him and not the other way around. The three girls he’d dated in his life all had confessed to him and asked him out. He wasn’t one to make the first move and that mainly had to do with the fact that he never liked any one enough to do that.

But you were someone he liked enough - someone he like more than enough to push him to make the first move.

“You like..me?” You questioned, trying to grasp the reality of the situation as Hyunjin gave you a firm nod in response. Your heart was pounding and you were almost sure that Hyunjin could hear it from next to you. What was someone supposed to do in a situation like this? It’s not like you had any actual experience with this stuff. In your life, you’d only confessed twice. The first time, through that anonymous note to Minho and the second time was when Felix took you to the football stadium months ago. Obviously neither of those experiences would do much to help you now.

“Um….” Hyunjin glanced up at you expectantly, “I…I need some time to think,” That was the best option for now. You just needed to clear your head and look at things on your own.

“Of course,” Hyunjin nodded frantically, “Take..Take as much time as you need,”

“Yeah…,” You sighed, “So..maybe we should get going? I bet Seungmin is waiting for us,”

There was an awkward silence between you and Hyunjin as you made your way to the structure that Seungmin was parked at.

“So,” You weren’t really sure how to make conversation with him now, “Just a few weeks until finals,”  
“Oh yeah,” Hyunjin responded, tone as stiff as yours, “Those are coming up,”

And again there was silence. It was almost suffocating and had you wishing that you could fast forward time until you were reunited with Seungmin, your trusty pal that would surely help you through this.

“Hyunjin!” At the sound of his name being called out, you thought the second best thing had come - a third party to relieve the tension. However, when you turned around to the owner of the voice, you found that the universe had thrown you the last thing you needed, “Oh, and you got the tutor with you!”

Tutor? What did he mean by that?

“Changbin, Chaeyoung,” Hyunjin mustered up a nervous smile as the two approached you, “You guys didn’t go home yet?”

“We’re just heading out,” Chaeyoung smiled back at the boy before sending a blank stare your way, “Changbin’s holding a postgame party,”

“You should come through,” Changbin added as he snaked his arm around Chaeyoung’s waist.

“Oh..I don’t know. It’s a school night,” Hyunjin shrugged, “We have 8am Chem,”

“Come on man. The whole team is going to be there,” Changbin insisted before turning his gaze to you, “You can even bring Y/N”

“I want to but i’m not sure it’s a great idea,” Hyunjin frowned, mulling over the idea. You watched as Hyunjin contemplated the idea. You knew he went to these parties every now and then and right now he looked genuinely unsure of whether or not to go.

“You can’t let your team down twice in one night dude,” Changbin’s next phrase, however, struck a chord in you and forced out an answer

“We’ll be there,” You spoke up as your hand grabbed onto Hyunjin’s arm, giving him a reassuring squeeze. Like hell you were going to let Changbin of all people knock Hyunjin down. Besides, another night where you could roast him might be fun.

“Awesome. We’ll see you guys soon,” He sent you a wink that almost had you gagging before walking past the two of you.

“I never thought you’d be one to say yes to a party,” As soon as they were far enough to not hear him, Hyunjin let out an airy laugh.

“I wasn’t going to let him make you feel like shit for not going. Knowing him, he’d hold it against you,” You grumbled, letting your hand slip off of Hyunjin’s arm, only for him to take hold of it in his own hand. You shot him a confused look at the action but only earned a smug smile in response.

“I like that you stood up for me,” He grinned, “Thank you,”

“It’s..It’s no problem,” Heat rose to your cheeks at his small declaration, “Ah, shit, Seungmin is going to be so pissed that we’re going to a party,” You laughed at the image of the boy deadpanning when you revealed to him the plan.

“ _He’ll be okay,”_ Hyunjin joined in your laughter and gave your hand a small squeeze as you both started walking once again.


	6. Kim Seungmin

“You’ve honestly got to be kidding me,” Seungmin’s shoulders slumped as the familiar house came into his view. He swore he was never going to come back here after the last party but, somehow, he had returned. A shudder ran up his spine as he recalled the burning taste of the Ciroc and how it had brought him to the floor of his bathroom later that night. Eight years without puking and all it took to break that was a few swigs of alcohol. Even worse than that, he remembered how awful he felt at the sight of you holding back your tears in front of him. He couldn’t even fathom why you had agreed to Changbin’s invitation.

Maybe it had something to do with Hyunjin. He saw the way you two had gotten closer in the past few months. He saw the way Hyunjin would slyly move closer to you on the couch and whisper something in your ear. He saw the way your cheeks would turn a slight shade of pink as you laughed along with him.

He saw how you both were holding hands earlier. You pulled away when you were close to the car but Seungmin hadn’t missed the detail. He saw all these signs and, if he was being honest, he hated it. He wanted your beautiful smile to be directed at him and he wanted to be the one to hold your hand.

He loved Hyunjin, he really did. The guy was his best friend but he couldn’t understand why you would fall for him and why you were walking with him through this house right now. If Seungmin saw the way everyone was sending judgmental glances your way, then surely you did too.

“Hey! You guys finally made it!” That voice had Seungmin’s face dropping; He didn’t even try to fake a friendly smile. If Changbin hadn’t learned that he wasn’t a fan of him earlier this year, he would learn tonight.

“You and Chaeyoung did hound us to come,” Hyunjin laughed as he threw his arm around your shoulder, earning a grimace from Seungmin.

“I never thought Y/N would be the one to agree,” Chaeyoung snickered, eyes looking you over with a condescending glance. Seungmin never liked her. There was something about her personality that seemed so fake from the beginning and seeing how she so easily stabbed you in the back sealed his disdain for her.

“I guess you don’t really know me,” You feigned a smile, body visibly tensing.

“Yeah, the Y/N I know was a real downer,” Chaeyoung shook her head, tone laced with malice.

“Watch It Chaeyoung,” Seungmin was glad that Hyunjin spoke up at that moment, because he sure as hell would have said more and worse to her.

“Baby,” Changbin’s voice was sickeningly sweet, “Don’t be mean to the tutor. Hyunjin needs her,” Your ears perked up at the words.

 _Tutor?_ What did he mean by that.

You remembered him mentioning that earlier but it quickly flew out your head when Changbin tried insulting Hyunjin.

“Changbin,” Hyunjin jaw clenched, eyes sending a message for Changbin to stay quiet but it seemed that the damage was already done.

“What does that mean?” You raised a brow, noticing how people were starting to stare. Your stomach was dropping in that way it had done last time you came to Changbin’s party. You weren’t sure what was going on but things were starting to feel weird.

“Hyunjin?” Seungmin’s voice caught your attention and you couldn’t help but notice how Hyunjin stayed silent.

“What’s going on?” You turned to Changbin.

“What do you mean?” The boy shrugged, “You’re Hyunjin’s tutor, aren’t you?”

“He told us how he hangs out with you in return for you tutoring him,” Chaeyoung laughed, “It’s pathetic what you’re doing for attention,”

Their words replayed in your head as you tried to comprehend what they had told you. You heard the familiar laughter of Changbin’s friends around the room and it felt like you were reliving the first occasion this had happened except this time, it just felt a whole lot worse.

“I thought you’d have learned to not go at guys out of your league but-“ Before Changbin could finish his next phrase, Seungmin had stepped forward, sending his fist across his cheeks. A few gasps and groans sounded through the room and by now you were sure everyone was watching.

“Shut the fuck up dude,” He gritted his teeth at the stinging feeling against his knuckles.

“Seungmin what the hell!” Chaeyoung screamed before turning to tend to Changbin. Your eyes were wide at the sight before you. You’d never seen Seungmin angry before, let alone angry enough to hit someone. Everything was suddenly too overwhelming and you just couldn’t wrap your head around it all. Just an hour ago, Hyunjin had confessed to you and now Seungmin was fighting people.

“I’ll punch you harder if you say another thing about Y/N” He clenched his fists, stepping forward towards the shorter male.

“Seungmin calm down,” Hyunjin grabbed onto his arm, only aggravating his friend more.

“Don’t tell me to calm down Hyunjin,” He pulled his arm away, and pushed Hyunjin back, “What the fuck is wrong with you, huh?”

“Just let me-“ Hyunjin tried to speak.

“You’re a piece of shit for doing this to Y/N. I thought you were better than this but you-“ This time, it was Seungmin who was cut off.

“Seungmin,” You called out to him meekly, taking hold of the hem of his shirt. His head turned to face you and immediately his heart dropped. It was like that first night again. You looked so small in that moment, head down and body slightly shaking. He noticed how your breathing was uneven and he could only guess that you were minutes from crying.

“We’re leaving,” He took your hand into his, giving it a gentle squeeze -an action that was unlike his previous ones- before pulling you past the crowds and out of the house.

You’d barely made it to the sidewalk when Hyunjin’s voice was yelling out to you.

“Y/N wait!” He was running towards you, heart hammering against his chest. He just needed to explain to you what happened. He couldn’t lose you like this, “Please listen to me,”

“There’s nothing for her to listen to,” Seungmin was quick to step in front of you.

“Seungmin let me explain,” Hyunjin pleaded.

“Why should-“ Before Seungmin could finish, you were bringing your hand onto his shoulder.

“It’s okay. Can you get the car please?” You asked quietly.

“Are you sure?” His expression softened as he turned towards you, earning a small nod.

“I’ll be fine. I want to talk with him alone,” You sighed.

“Alright,” He mumbled before reluctantly leaving you with Hyunjin.

Your eyes stayed on the floor as a small silence filled the air between you two.

“Y/N,” Hyunjin’s gentle words broke the tension and you watched as he stepped forward, his white shoes coming into your view, “I’m sorry. I told them you were my tutor when Seungmin and I first started hanging out with you because I was scared they were going to judge me. I was stupid then and I didn’t know how amazing of a person you were. I cared about their opinions when it never should have mattered to me,” Your body tensed as he reached out to take your hands into his, “please, Y/N, I’m so sorry,”

“Hyun..Hyunjin,” You felt the tears that you were trying so hard to hold back leaking out, “That’s bullshit,” You pulled your hands away from his, taking a step back from him as your gaze raised to find his.

Hyunjin’s chest tightened at the sight of your wets cheeks, knowing that he was the reason for your tears.

“You’ve hung out with them countless times this year. You’ve had so many opportunities to set things straight but instead you let them continue making fun of me and thinking that I was desperate for your attention. How the hell can you tell me that you like me when you let others laugh at me for a lie that you created?” You shook your head in disappointment, “I’ve tried so much to be there for you every time you felt that you weren’t enough because I never wanted you to feel like you weren’t deserving but now I can see that I wasn’t enough for you,”

“No, Y/N, you’re more than enough.,” He quickly tried to refute your claim.

“Then why do this?” Your lips trembled as you hoped that he’d say something, anything that could make this better.

“They’re my friends Y/N. I didn’t want to lose them,”

Life had its way of not letting things go your way.

“I guess that it’s then, right?” A forced laugh made its way past your lips, “I guess we were never friends because you obviously didn’t care about losing me….Be Honest. You never really liked me, right?” His eyes widened at your phrase, panic seeping into his body.

“No, Y/N. I like you. I was..I wa..I was not lying. I swear,” He could barely speak, the fear of losing your friendship hitting him like a ton of bricks.

“Yeah, sure” Your lips pressed into a thin line, attempting to keep you from sobbing then and there, “If you even did like me, I don’t think you and I would belong together,”

That one hurt but Hyunjin knew he deserved it.

“Just go back inside Hyunjin. I’m done talking,” He was at a loss, unsure of what to do. Should he stay or go? He didn’t want to lose you but he didn’t know what to say if he stayed. His dilemma didn’t last long, however, as Seungmin pulled up to the curb. He could only watch as you climbed inside the car, leaving him to stand out in the cold alone.

“Fuck,” He threw his head back as he attempted to hold back his own tears. He’d fucked up badly. How was he even going to go home tonight with Seungmin there. He doubted he would even listen to him. He had to do something though. He couldn’t just wallow in his own sadness as if he wasn’t the one at fault. He had to set things straight.

“I just can’t believe him,” You sat on your couch, legs pulled up to your chest as Seungmin sat next to you. After what felt like forever, you’d run dry out of tears were left to dawn on everything that had happened, “You know he told me he liked me today?” Seungmin raised a brow at your words, not expecting you to have disclosed that to him.  
“I was stupid to think that would have been true. Who would like me? I’m not even good enough for him to acknowledge that I’m his friend,” You dropped your head against your knees, letting a groan pass your lips.

“Don’t say that,” Seungmin furrowed his brows as he watched you beat yourself up, “Who would be stupid enough to not like you? I like you,” He hadn’t even realized what he was saying until the words had left his lips and immediately, his heart was beating faster.

“You don’t like me like that though Seungmin. We’re just friends but..it’s just different,”

He knew you always saw him as a friend. He wasn’t sure what about him made every girl that he had a crush on want to friend zone him. Was he too bland? Too awkward? Why do girls always go for guys like Hyunjin? Seungmin was right there but still, you didn’t see him. Even his blatant confession wasn’t enough for you to see him.

“Y/N,” He spoke firmly, grabbing your attention, “It’s not different,” You eyed the boy with shock, mind hazing with confusion for the third time that day.

“Seungmin…No” You furrowed your brows, sitting up as you let his words gain weight. Seungmin felt like you’d stabbed him in the heart in that moment. Was that all you had to say in that moment? “No?” He felt a lump forming in his throat, making it hard to swallow.

“Please don’t tell me that,” You shook your head, voice cracking as you spoke, “I can’t deal with this,”

“But you could deal with it when it was Hyunjin?” He scoffed, “What does he have that I don’t?”

“No, Seungmin, that’s not it,” You were quick to defend yourself, “I don’t think you’re any less than him,”

“Then why is it that when he confesses you walk back with him hand in hand but when I do, you brush me off like nothing?” You couldn’t believe this was happening. Today was just supposed to be a normal day. You were going to the basketball game to cheer on your friend and then you were supposed to get ice cream or food or something after but instead your world felt like it was spinning out of control.

“Seungmin please,” You were crying again and while it broke Seungmin’s heart, he was silent, “Seungmin I can’t lose you too. You’re my best friend,”

“That’s all I ever am,” He sighed, closing his eyes shut, “I..just..I don’t know what to do,”

“I’m sorry,” You weren’t even sure what you were apologizing for.

“Why? It’s not your fault. I don’t want you to think that either. I’m the one who should apologize for bringing it up,” You noticed the frustration in his voice and how his hands clasped together, “I’m just going to go. I’ll see you in school tomorrow,”

“Seungmin-“

“We’re still friends Y/N,” He stood up, avoiding looking at you, “I just think we all need space right now,”

You sat in the lecture hall with all your nerves the next morning. You were in the back, where you three would always sit but neither of the two boys were there yet. You thought that you’d see Hyunjin sitting with Changbin and Chaeyoung -their other friends decided not to continue taking the chemistry series- but upon looking over, you found a different scene. Changbin sat in his regular spot but Chaeyoung was sitting a few rows up. Changbin must have felt your stare on him as he turned his head and caught sight of you. Your eyes quickly averted and your cheeks burned a slight tinge as you avoided looking in his direction. You hadn’t even noticed him get up to make his way towards you until he’d sat down and called your name.

“I want to apologize,” He spoke curtly, “Hyunjin told me about Chaeyoung and he told me how you weren’t a tutor,”

“Oh,” You couldn’t find the words to say back to him.

“I’m sorry I was such a dick to you,” He sighed and sat back against the seat, “Damn, how do you see from back here”

You let out an airy laugh at the familiar statement. Were CHangbin and his friends all just blind or something?

“You know apologizing doesn’t change the fact that you’re a dick to a lot of people,” You glanced over at him, noticing the bruise that had formed under his eye. Seungmin must have hit him pretty hard.

“I know. Hyunjin told me everything last night in front of everyone. It was kind of humiliating,” He chuckled, “I guess I deserved it,”

“Yeah…You did,” You nodded, feeling a weird sense of calmness in that moment.

“I’m going to apologize to everyone, don’t worry,” It sounded as if he wanted your acknowledgement but all you could do was nod to let him know you heard.

“That’s cool but actions speak louder than words Changbin, so I can’t really believe you until it happens,” You shrugged.

“I understand that,” He took in a deep breath before letting a small silence fall upon you two. It was an awkward silence, one where neither of you knew if you should say more or not.

“By the way,” Changbin ended up choosing the former, “Don’t be pissed at Hyunjin. I know he cares for you a lot. He’s just really stupid sometimes,”

“As are you,” You replied, earning a chuckle from the boy.

“I’ll let that pass this time,” He smiled before standing up, “But, seriously, don’t be too hard on the guy,”

You watched as Changbin moved back to his own seat and caught the glare that Chaeyoung sent your way. You could only roll your eyes in response before turning your attention to the lecture hall doors, hoping that Hyunjin and Seungmin would walk inside.

It was only minutes later that you caught sight of Hyunjin peeking through the door, but no Seungmin. Hyunjin’s eyes quickly caught yours and he looked as if he was unsure on whether or not he should sit with you. The small wave that you sent his way, however, eased his mind as he finally moved towards you.

“Hey,” He gave you a hopeful smile as he sat down next to you.

“Hey….Where’s Seungmin?” You frowned at the absence.

“He said he was going to skip,” Hyunjin explained, “Wasn’t feeling well,”

“Oh..okay,” You tried to hide the disappointment in your voice, “About last night-“

“It was all my fault,” He shook his head, “I don’t even deserve your forgiveness but I swear I think of you as my closest friend and I really do like you,”

“I know,” He was taken aback by your simple statement, not expecting it, “I just want to move past it,”

“Yeah..” He bit his lip nervously, “Also, um, I like you a lot but I think you were right,”

“About what?” You raised a brow in intrigue.

“We don’t belong together,” He looked forward, avoiding your gaze. You were shocked to say the least. What caused the sudden change?

“I think there’s someone else that would treat you a lot better…..Maybe go see him later”

“Hyunjin,” You frowned, knowing that he wanted what was best for you, “You knowI love you, right?”

“Yeah, I’m your best friend, right?” He smiled genuinely, “I don’t care if Seungmin is too. I’m you best best friend,”

If you were nervous in the morning, you weren’t sure how to describe what you were as you waited for someone to open the door of Seungmin, Hyunjin, and Minho’s apartment. You thought you were going to throw up at the anxiety. You swore your stomach was going to flip when it finally swung open and Seungmin came into view. He was dressed in a hoodie and seats. His hair was a mess, indicating that he was probably just laying in bed or something like that.

“What are you doing here?” He held onto the door tightly.

“Seungmin,” You took a deep breath, “Right now I’m going to talk and you’re going to listen to what I have to say and when I’m done you can tell me to leave or whatever but I need to say this, okay? Alright. Seungmin, I don’t think that Hyunjin has anything that you don’t. He confessed to me and I didn’t give him an answer. You confessed to me and the only reason I told you no was because of the circumstances. Think about where we had come from and what had happened. I didn’t know what to do. Hyunjin confessed and then an hour later everything went to shit. I didn’t want that to happen with you too. I love you both so much. You’re my best friends and I don’t want to lose that. I know you like me but I can’t give you an answer yet. Right here, right now, I’m not saying no. I’m saying that I need to think and honestly it could take _a lot_ of time and I don’t expect you to wait for me.All my life, I’ve spent every day wanting someone to love me and fulfill that other half bullshit that people talk about all the time and-“

“Y/N-“ Seungmin tried to interject.

“Please let me finish,” You breathlessly stated, “I’ve always wanted that and I still do but I need to focus on me right now. I’m at a time in my life where even though I’m single, I don’t feel lonely because I have you and Hyunjin. I don’t know if it’ll take two days, six weeks, or three years for me to answer you and I know that’s selfish but Seungmin it’s your fault for being someone so important to me. I don’t want to move into something more if we’re both not ready and then ruin our relationship. _I love you Kim Seungmin._ I swear to god you might be my soulmate because you always know when to bring me that stupid bread I love and you always are there for me when I have a breakdown and you’re always next to me with that stupid happy grin on your face and you’re just so..so..perfect and I swear to God if you don’t let me give you a hug right now I’m going to cry,”

It didn’t even take a second for Seungmin to pull you forward against his body. You felt his strong arms wrap around your body tightly, holding you securely as if he was afraid that if he didn’t you’d slip away. You heard the steady beat of his heart against his chest as your own arms moved around his torso and you swore you never felt as safe as you did in that moment.

“You’re not going to lose me idiot,” He mumbled, voice slightly shaky, “ _We’re always going to be okay,_ ”

**It was safe to say, that it did not take you three years to give him his answer.**


End file.
